Tahira Shakira

New Year's Fun!

2008-12-31T11:41:12Z

New year's spent in London;; I seriously cannot wait.
Not to mention i get to spend it with Harpal <3

Bring on 2009. I hope it's the best ever.

My love,

2008-12-14T01:33:01Z

I'm such a sick person to listen to. I'm completely & utterly head over heels in love. In fact the people around me must be fed up of listening to me. Poor Kieran! I can't help it though..
This has started to become my love journal. I think without this i'd just drown myself in emotion & just get lost in myself. I think it's also a relief for him aswell, he must get sick of all the cheese from me. I'm rambling again.. i didn't mean to talk about how in love i was.. more of where we're going =).

So Harpal came to see Pendulum with me. Which was amazing. I had the three most important men in my life with me. My boyfriend, my best friend & my housemate (Harpal, Matt & Kieran) and i couldn't of asked for a more perfect night & plus Pendulum were so great.
He came a week after as well to go to York Uni open day for Post Graduates. I went with him and like.. i just felt so connected with him. He was tlaking as though he was going to move up here. He knows which course he wants to apply for and he was saying things like "I can imagine myself here", it made my heart skip a beat.
I truly hope he moves up here next year. I'd hate otherwise, especially knowing i had longer to wait.. I just want to wake up next to him every morning and kiss him. I love falling asleep in his arms, & the way he holds me & just touches me. I know what he's thinking without him even speaking. His actions are just so much more important to me than words.. but being away from him, words are all i have.
& for that i am grateful.

I really should update more..

2008-11-11T19:00:36Z

I haven't updated in a looonng. My bad. I just, never get the time to write about my life anymore, even though i've made countless attempts to try to make time...

I'm going to Portsmouth tomorrow. I really cannot wait. The last time i updated i was writing about how in love i was and how it could never be because of the distance. Well.. things changed & i realised that i couldn't live without him & it'd kill me if he ever dated someone else.
This mind change happened when i went to Australia for 3 weeks. No contact with him apart from during the last week where i bought a phone card. I just realised how stupid i've been & how worried i was about what others would say.
So what if he lives in Portsmouth. This is my fairytale & i should stop worrying about "what if".

I'm the happiest i've ever been. Even when i cry, i cry because he's not here but i wouldn't change my decision for the world & tomorrow will be the first time i'll see him where i'll be his girlfriend and just the thought gives me butterflys =).

The weird thing about my life at the moment, is that i feel like i'm finally living the life i should be living.
Instead of dreaming & wondering like i always do, i'm finally proud of myself & the person i've become. Sure there's things that can always be altered but i have everything i need and could ever want.
Around 2/3 years ago i felt as though i had nothing to live for & now.. i'm almost a changed person.

The world is my oyster <3.

Hating Life.

2008-08-05T17:28:43Z

Officially hating life.
Brap.

Profile.

2008-08-04T19:12:37Z

So my last profile didn't last as long as i thought it would.
I got bored as soon as i logged into LJ again.
Whoopsie. I wish i come make up my mind sometime.

----

Onto recent events, i really really hate not having the internet at my new place in York. I seriously feel lost & like i don't have a social life. Not to mention last night i had the greatest urge to write things down in my LJ and just write in here like i promised i would.

I want to write a story, but i'm rubbish at writing. Even though i know this i still wish i had the slightest bit more confidence so that i could just type a whole lot of rubbish and hope people will enjoy it.
I had the greatest idea which was based around my life with a really big "what if" added to it.

I like lists so i'll list what i was intending on writing about & who knows... if i get really bored, it may end up turning into a best selling novel & i'll turn into a multi millionarie at the age of 20 (i wish..!)

Novel to be called "Love Borders;;" or "Bordering Love;;". Or something maybe a bit more dramatic or with a better title?
About me & Harpal but due to OBVIOUS reasons names will be changed ;P
I'm undecided about the way to write it; as in who's point of view to be written in. I wanted to do a sorta of "Malorie Blackman-esque" style by writing the characters viewpoint in turn but thought it would look obvious that i've taken the idea off her. Maybe view points changed halfway? Still pondering anyway.
Idea is actually based around something i asked Harpal the other day & it just was so scary how the whole idea and exageration of the situation would actually ruin everything. Then i thought why not write a story about it?
Vague Synopsis (names inserted to make it easier, not actually real characters names) - Layla & Adam met on the internet and have been best friends since the age of 15. (Current age 20). Reasons behind the friendship grew because they had each other as an outlet to their ever occupied and complicated lives based around religion and culture. Phone calls and never ending text messages meant that through the years the pairs relationship grew stronger. Joking about having each other as a "back-up marriage" that neither would end up alone. Until they meet they realise that actually joking aside they do have feelings for each other and realise that they can't live without one another. Having an open relationship because of the distance they plan their lives and future around each other never even coming to thinking about "what if?" Perfect romance and Layla gets her happy ending.. or thinks she does until her passion for horse riding takes an unexpected turn for the worse when she starts show-jumping on a regular basis. Having a serious accident in the middle of a jump she ends up being paralysed from the waist down and having arms paralysed. Even though Layla & Adam were planning the rest of their lives together Layla has now created a situation in which Adam will have to choose whether or not he wants to sacrifice his life and dreams to stay with Layla.
Now what i want to sure is that no matter how much you love someone & think that they are "the one". A situation like this changes EVERYTHING. Not only are they not in a serious relationship together but they're both still young & Adam has the rest of his life in front of him without having to be weighed down by the complexities of Layla.
The reason why i so want to write this story is because i know love isn't everything. You can only love a person so much before you realise that this kind of relationship will most definitely be unhealthy for you. Especially because Adam will always hold Layla to blame for his loss, even if he never admits it to her. No kids, the strain of money as only Adam will be working, not even a proper wedding as Layla can't ealk down the aisle & Layla being totally & utterly dependant on Adam so it becomes a need rather than a want.
Adam doesn't sacrifice his future for Layla. & it ruins her life and makes Adam feel guilty for the rest of his.. so guilty that even their friendship is merely non-existant.

Note to anyone that reads this - this is just an idea of a story. If anyone knows of a story similar to this please inform me. Also, i really would appretiate it if people could let me know whether this is a good idea or not.
If not, i'll just leave it as it is and put it down to me having random surges of thought.
Anything more? & i'll see about actually writing it as a novel ;P.

Thank you!!!
x

New layout <3

2008-07-27T18:21:55Z

So i finally updated my profile layout.
I like it but i'm not sure if i'll keep it for long though. I'm undecided.
But it'll do for the time being.

I've also updated my profile. It looks alot better. Check it out ;P.

I know i'm not on lj as much as i used to be & i know i promise i'd update all the time but i haven't posted in 15 weeks+ (which is probably a record for me).
But, i will try to post as regularly as i can.

I miss writing about my life ♥

Last day in England in 2007..

2007-12-26T00:41:38Z

so I'm going on holiday in... 4 hours.. don't wanna sleep.. well not till I've updated this.

It's my last day in England for 2007. It sounds when i put it like that but i just realised how stupid I've been. I do stupid things, and i always choose the wrong thing to do which always ends up hurting someone in the end.. in this case someone i really care about.
I just want to say I'm sorry and i think I've realised that maybe it's a good thing because it's made me realise that i need to distant myself away from him. For both of us.

Anyway.. 2007.. what a year.
I had my first girlfriend. I left some of my close friends to go to Uni, i went to Uni, and got some great friends, met three celebrities (INCLUDING HAROLD BISHOP) and I've just learnt a lot about myself. Not to mention, I've never gone through so many crushes in such a short amount of time. Well.. not crushes just lusting after people that i don't actually want.
Oh Oh Oh, i went to amazing gigs, the last one being the other night seeing Yashin.. such a great band and i ended up playing pool with them and hugging them all. That was good. A good gig is always brilliant. I hope to go to more next year.
I've really grown, in my opinions, my intelligence, my independence and I've come to realise that i need to start going with the flow, with life i mean. Not to expect things to happen but to be surprised when they do.

I know what i want. I want to end up in a professional job with my own office. Something maybe to do with magazines or graphic design, something in the media that involves originality, professionalism and creativity.
I want a briefcase with my initials on & i want to be able to walk to work in a skirt and heels and have my own secretary. Pick up tea on the way (since i hate coffee). I'd like that. Something stable but challenging and somewhere that i can wear something that i could look good in ;P.

Love can wait. It won't find my at University anyway.

My 2008 will include so much more focus and more independence. That way I'll be one step closer into getting my own initial-ised briefcase
x

(oh & i wish i could learn to like Christmas Day. Christmas always seems to miss me)

Too much work...

2007-10-29T14:18:51Z

I have way too much work to do..
It's sorta piled on top of me.

.x. A film review about a film - I have no idea which film yet.. i'm thinking "Edward Scissorhands."
.x. Group Presentation (x2) - Which i can't actually start until the groups get together.
.x. A Portfolio to make about celebrities, alcohol & famous photographs - I'm thinking of making it "journal-esque". I'm having trouble being creative though.. i've bought all my supplies but everytime i set it out on paper it just looks funny.
It's all on my bedroom floor waiting to be stuck down and to look sorta creative.. but i'm just having a creative-block.
Grr.

-------------

Quote Of The Year - "You Fucking Unicorn".
I love it. It makes me giggle.

illbey0urstar @ 2007-10-11T15:27:00

2007-10-11T14:32:28Z

So my best friend from high school.. *or one of my best friends* has been sending me really preachy emails.. and i hate it,
They made me so angry. I hate being preached at and being told what to do and told what's "right" and what i should wear...

She send me one on the veil.. and why women should wear it.. and anotehr one pre-marital relationships.. i just thought fuck that.
I'll have sex when i want with whoever i want and go out with who i want. Argh! Things like that make me so mad.

Why don't people realise that everyone has their own beliefs and they shouldn't send emails like that to everyone.. i think she wrote it too.
It wasn't just for me.. it was sent to a few people.. but i've sent this email to her:-

"Hey,
i know this is going to sound really awful.. but i don't appretiate being preached at.
I've got to the stage in my life where i don't need things like that telling me what is right and what is wrong.
You have your beliefs and i have mine. I know who i am without having to be told by someone else.
Please respect my wishes as i have yours.

---

I hope all is well though and things are going good for you =).
Sorry for the harshness of the email.. but i really can't stand being preached at.
Take care
x"

That should do the trick.

illbey0urstar @ 2007-10-02T00:33:00

2007-10-01T23:53:42Z

I really can't imagine falling in love again.. like seriously.

It's not that i don't want to, i just don't think i could give myself to someone like i did before. Sometimes i just think about the past and how different i used to be but now.. i really can't imagine it happening. Maybe that's a good thing because it means ive stopped looking for love but.. i really think i'm incapable of having feelings so strong.

I am happy, like truly happy. Yes i'm single but, that doesn't really make any difference. It's just when i come across people who are in love and i just can't picture what it feels like, not anymore anyway.
I've matured alot, i know i have and i love it but i just wish the concept of love didn't seem so foreign to me..

---

Uni is grand. I say that constantly but it truly is. It's all been going great well... apart from that time i was dancing with a randomer and he had a boner! Oh and he started putting his hand up my skirt.
Loser.

Not looking forward to work today.. and i only just started yesterday =/
x

illbey0urstar @ 2007-09-24T13:11:00

2007-09-24T12:24:33Z

So my life away from home has finally started.
& i love it. It really couldn't have gone any smoother than it has.

I've made friends so quickly and i'm just amazed at home everyone is just really cool. I love my housemates and i love the people that live a couple of doors away.
It's great.

Anyway i've posted some picture xD.
Take a peek!

The city ♥

House 9 =).
I live upstairs!

The kitchen!
It does actually stay quite clean! Because of Jenny xD.
I love her!

The House 9 housemates! (inc me)
R-L.. Rob, Abi, Lee, Jenny & Me
We all get along so well =).

The flat 9 wannabes!
haha
L-R.. Sarah, Peaches & Bondi aka Steph. & Mark!
Bless him

illbey0urstar @ 2007-09-13T16:21:00

2007-09-13T15:28:06Z

I feel so incredibly guilty.

I forgot it was a year ago since my grandfather died. I mean.. i remembered a week ago.. and two weeks ago. I kept saying.. "wow nearly a year". but i totally and utterly forgot.

There's nothing i can do to mark or show my appreciation for having him in my life.
I really do miss him & i don't ever stop thinking about him. Sometimes i have to remind myself he's gone because he's still so fresh in my head.
I don't know how my grandmother coped without him, they were like two peas in a pod.

He died of cancer.. and it was so awful seeing him suffer for months, he was just slowly deteriorating.

I love you Grandad. So much.
Look over Gran for me.
♥

---

(RIP)
Roy Atkinson
13th September 2006

illbey0urstar @ 2007-09-10T02:51:00

2007-09-10T01:56:39Z

So i figured I'd get back into Graphic making today.. since I might change my course at uni.
I figured i have to start getting creative.. I'm not creative at all but i like to think i am... I mean i wish i had some sort of better talent. Making graphics is something that easily be learnt with a little bit of practice and once you know what everything does on Photoshop... it's a doddle.

I'm quite proud of it actually. I just had to make something with the new Delta in it.
It's a start anyway, i just wanna be better at it than just average.
Hm.

x

illbey0urstar @ 2007-09-07T18:37:00

2007-09-07T17:45:42Z

I'm really keen on getting a tattoo. I mean i know I've always wanted one, but right now i feel "ready". Pain doesn't usually bother me as such but I'm still scared of getting one!! I really want someone to come with me.

I've known what I've wanted for years. A butterfly behind my left shoulder. It's sorta a symbol and a reflection of my life right now; freedom. University & such.

This is the design i fell in love with:-

I know it's blurred. I got it from a website where it wouldn't let you print screen the larger image. So i just enlarged the smaller one *how clever am i?*
I don't want to end up having the same tattoo as anyone else, so i got one of my best friends to be creative with it and edit it and make it prettier.

It's so me though
I just have to wait till she finishes it now
♥